Any Opportunity...

But, before we get into opportunities, let's just recap what we know:

So, it's obvious what we need to do.  The question is how do we find the opportunity and how do we make the most of it when we do?

I'll tackle the question of how we make the most of eating in front of our children first, because otherwise it's easy for any opportunity we can find to become counter-productive.

No matter how much we might love to experiment with food, the reality is, there is little value in our children seeing us eat something different each time.

On the other hand, seeing us eat the same thing over and over is a risky strategy too.  Partly because it doesn't help them build a sense of a balanced diet and partly because it might just be something that they will never grow to like.

Ideally, we should find a handful of meals that between them provide a good balanced diet and which we are happy to eat regularly for months, or even years to come.

It can feel restrictive, maybe even, very restrictive, but we don't hesitate to bend over endlessly to support our children as they first learn to walk, or run along side them as they learn to ride and eating is no different, it can require a sacrifice from us for a period of time.

However, like all learning, once the basics are in place we can reap the rewards and expand out to new and exciting things.

This is where you need every ounce of self control you can possibly muster.  Especially in the early days when you are still helping them build their defences with your defensive mantras.

Children have long emotional memories.  If we've made the mistake of trying to persuade them to eat things in the past then those emotions will come flooding back at the suggestion they might want to try something new.

The more we can refrain from any suggestion that they might like to have some the more comfortable they will feel that they are in control and the more likely they are eventually to open up to wanting to try.

It just takes time.

If you're keen to establish the concept of sharing and 'trying' then do it the other way round.  Look for opportunities to ask them if you can try some of theirs and find every way you can to make them feel good about the choices they've made.

There is an exception to this rule, which is when children are old enough for their intellect to play a more dominant role alongside their instincts and emotions, what I call the "Maybe" phase.

I think most families are able to find at least one opportunity during the week to sit together and eat a meal.

For us it's lunchtime on a Saturday and Sunday.  

We do eat breakfast together, but it's harder to introduce healthy new options at breakfast.

Family mealtimes when they do occur should be enjoyable, social occasions.  Relaxed, happy and with no pressure or judgement on what anyone is choosing to eat, or not eat from what's available.

Everyone should feel they've had something they like and have been able to eat enough to satisfy their appetite.

Ideally everyone should serve themselves, choosing what and how much they put on their plate, but if this is not practical then children should at least have a say on what goes on their plate.

Some would argue that things should be put on the plate even if we know it's not something our children will eat at the moment.  The advantage of this is that they get a much closer look at it and there's less of a hurdle if they do choose to try some.  The disadvantage is that they may feel stressed by its presence either for fear that they will be expected to try some, or that it might 'contaminate' other things that they do like.  It's a hard judgement call to make, very mild anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing because overcoming it can be a part of the learning process, but too much anxiety is definitely detrimental.  If in doubt, don't do it.

If there is to be a pudding, which for us there normally is at the weekend, then it should never be conditional on anything that has come before.  Some would argue that it should be put on the table at the same time and allowed to be eaten first if requested, but that was a step too far for us!

One family mealtime a week can make a powerful difference.

If it can be supplemented with other opportunities throughout the week then so much the better. 

Here's just a few ideas that work for us:

Opportunities to avoid are eating in front of the TV and the endless opportunities to eat cake and biscuits that seem, in our British culture, to be brought out at the drop of a hat.